Dr. Caron Leid

S8E4 “What We Hold for Those Who Can’t”

In this moving episode of the Root & Seed Podcast, host Anika Chabra speaks with Dr. Caron Leid, caregiver, educator, author, and accidental activist whose life was reshaped by two decades of caregiving. Caron shares how her experiences supporting her mother through Alzheimer’s, navigating grief, and rebuilding her life as a single parent shaped her professional path and PhD research on sandwich-generation caregiving. She reflects on her childhood across England, Trinidad, and Canada, where early exposure to intergenerational care and cultural traditions laid the foundation for her deep empathy today. Throughout the conversation, Caron reveals what it truly means to hold space for someone, especially when they can no longer hold their own memories. She describes caregiving as an active, dignifying practice of witnessing a person’s life and becoming the container for both who they were and who they are becoming. With her signature honesty and straight talk, she dismantles the myth of the caregiving martyr and reminds listeners that the emotional load must be shared. Caron offers practical, grounded advice for caregivers: acknowledge hard days, allow all emotions, and release the pressure to find constant joy in a deeply complex role. Her insights highlight the sacred responsibility of “holding” another’s story with compassion, presence, and integrity. This conversation reframes caregiving not only as labour, but as a profoundly human act of memory-keeping and connection. Listeners will come away with renewed appreciation for the moments, big or small, that bind families across generations.

About our guest:

Dr. Caron Leid is a counsellor, educator, and author whose work is rooted in more than twenty years of firsthand caregiving. She often describes herself as a caregiver by chance, an advocate by fire, and a therapist and educator by choice, because her professional path grew directly from supporting her mother through the entire Alzheimer’s trajectory. That lived experience shaped her PhD research on sandwich-generation caregiving, published through Aspen University and archived on ProQuest.

Caron’s counselling practice in Ontario focuses on trauma-informed, schema-based work with caregivers, individuals, couples and court-involved families. She brings a long background in education to her clinical work.

Her advocacy spans national and academic networks. She serves on Age-Well's Older Adult and Caregiver committee as the Co -Chair and contributes to McMaster University’s PERC Patient Engagement group, where she ensures caregiver realities and cultural context influence research, innovation, and policy. Her work has been featured on CTV National News, and her podcast, Caron Talks, provides caregivers with grounded guidance that blends research, lived experience and emotional clarity.

Caron has spoken across Canada, France, and the United States, and will be presenting in the Caribbean on dementia, grief, generational caregiving and the emotional patterns families carry. She has written several books, including Alzheimer’s: What They Forget to Tell You, Dementia & The Brain: What They Forget to Tell You, her grief-centred work Grief: What They Forget to Tell You, Self-Love: What They Forget to Tell You, the Sinkhole Survival Guide series for teens and adults, and BS and Other Childhood Tales We Learned. She has also authored several published medical journal articles.  

She is currently building a comprehensive caregiver education ecosystem. Her approach remains consistent across all platforms: to give families and caregivers practical tools, honest language, and support that honours the weight of what they carry.

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ANIKA

Welcome back to Root & Seed, a podcast about tradition seekers who are sparked to explore, define, and celebrate their family and cultural identity. I'm your host, Anika Chabra. So far this season, we've spoken to parents, children, and even siblings, reflecting on their familial bonds, life's natural ups and downs, navigating life milestones, different life stages, and even building empires together.

It's through honest communication and never taking the obvious for granted that they are able to sustain, learn, and grow from one another. It is not easy and definitely takes a lot of self-reflection and understanding how outside forces influence and affect their relationships. But we don't all have to navigate these waters within families alone.

In fact, oftentimes it's the perspective of an outsider — a professional, a compassionate voice combined with someone who has walked our paths — that provides us just what we need at the time that we need it most.

That's why we're so excited to talk to Dr. Caron Leid. Dr. Leid is a counselor, educator, and author whose work is rooted in more than 20 years of firsthand caregiving.

She often describes herself as a caregiver by chance, an advocate by fire, and a therapist and educator by choice, because her professional path grew directly from supporting her mother through the entire Alzheimer’s trajectory. That lived experience shaped her PhD research on sandwich-generation caregiving, published through Aspen University and archived on ProQuest.

She helps caregivers, individuals, couples, and families with a cognitive diagnosis, and she comes by it honestly, with her advice being as real as you're going to get. It’s this straight-talk, no-nonsense approach that feels refreshing and real, harnessing her life events in a way that has woven together a very rich tapestry of part expertise, part life experience, and all human.

Here she is.

CARON

Hi, I am Caron. And I guess the best way to describe myself is that I don't like to describe myself as one thing. That's, first of all, because I feel like my life unfolded in front of me in ways, obviously, that I never planned.

I had all the best-laid plans, but life had other ideas. So I learned early that when something hits you unexpectedly, you either collapse under it or you adapt. And I adapted — but begrudgingly. I've always believed in karma, so even though I'm a non-practicing Catholic, I try to be better than yesterday, even on days when I don't feel like I have much left to give.

So my story isn't really linear. I had the typical parent–child relationship, and then everything shifted. My dad passed away suddenly at 59, and that moment became the start of a 20-year stretch that showed me exactly what I was made of. I became a caregiver, and then shortly after, a single mother, a divorcée — someone navigating grief, responsibility, and identity all at the same time.

I went through a mental breakdown. I rebuilt myself. I raised my son. I cared for my mom as she declined from Alzheimer’s disease. I didn’t choose that path, but it shaped every part of who I am today. So that leads to people calling me an expert, but really, the truth is I became an accidental activist.

I learned everything through experience first and then through education. So when life gave me lemons, I got my PhD — not because I wanted the title, but because I needed to make meaning out of everything I went through.

To wrap it up: I am the sum of all the parts — the grief, the culture, the caregiving, the single parenting, the silent moments of breaking down, and the choice of standing back up. All of this drives the work I do now and how I show up for caregivers. I know what the weight feels like because I've lived it, and really, that's who I am.

Let’s talk a little bit about my childhood and maybe how some of those early-day influences inform the approach of how I work today. I think it definitely had a lot to do with how I am today — how it shaped me. I was born in England, and my brother was born in Germany, and we came here, I think, in 1971. So I was about 13 months old. I don’t remember England at all.

But then at nine years old, my dad got a secondment from the Canadian government to be the manager of the airport in Trinidad. So we moved to Trinidad and, even though my parents were both Trinidadian, that was a huge culture shock. I feel like that really shaped me because I was immersed in my parents’ culture, and a lot of things made sense.

In the early eighties, in the British system, you have to write an exam at 11 and pick your high school choices — these are major life decisions at such a young age. I went to a convent, and I feel like that shaped me too because it was very much attached to looking after the elderly. We were always focused on going to a nursing home. We had an elderly person that you were paired with, and you just developed this bond. That cultural aspect — we care for our elders, we respect our elders, we listen — obviously shaped me. I was always respectful of that generation and how much we can learn from them.

I was very close with my maternal grandmother. The stories, the potions, the old tales — “don’t do this,” “don’t do that” — you appreciate it now, and I think that’s what shaped me.

I think moving to Trinidad really shaped my empathy and compassion for what I do now. It was the foundation.

ANIKA

Oh, I can see that — quite literally — but also in how you built empathy between generations and respect for elders. You know, oftentimes we talk about elder abuse, the stigma and all those things, and it sounds like you were immersed in that from a personal standpoint, but then also academically, you were in that environment.

Is there a quintessential Caron family story? If someone asked you to recall something about young Caron, what story would you tell?

CARON

Oh my gosh. You know, I'm from that generation where kids were seen and not heard. So I think that shaped me as well. Plus, having a brother keeps you humble because you get zero compliments from your brother, right?

I spent a lot of time observing and noting patterns and behaviors of people, which is probably why I went into psychology. And I always liked learning and teaching.

I always used to say my parents walked the walk and talked the talk. They weren’t wishy-washy — they were very principled. My dad had a lot of proverbs. I used to call them “parables according to George.”

I’d say, “What parable is this now? Can’t you just speak plainly? What’s with this ‘Friends will lead you, but they won’t bring you back’? What does that mean?” But there were a lot of those little things said to me by both my mom and my dad.

“Show me your company and I’ll know who you are.”
“Seize the day.”

They’d just belt these things out. They were weirdos, right? But of course, when you're in your fifties, you're like, “Oh… now I get it.”

That’s what shaped me — the consistency of what they said. I didn’t have that disassociation of “They’re saying one thing but doing another.” I had very continuous, principled modeling.

As I said, I was very observant, so I think that shaped me.

ANIKA

If I may say, Caron, because we’ve been working together, I do see this level of integrity in the work you do and the commitments you make.

Let me tell you a bit about the theme of our podcast season. It’s this wonderful notion that an audience completes a story. We can put things out into the world, we can put stories out into the world, but unless there’s an audience to receive it, to appreciate it — it's not complete.

It's one of those sentiments that really stuck with our entire R&S team. And in some respects, we feel that you, as a person who supports families, caregivers, and elders, might be that audience — that sounding board for people. What does that role mean to you?

CARON

I feel like in caregiving you become the audience for someone’s life regardless. You witness their memories when they can’t hold their own. You hold pieces of who they were — because you're the container — and who they're becoming. It’s a very sacred role, to be honest.

And it’s not passive. It’s active care. When you sit with someone and allow them to share their story — even if it's the 15th time you’ve heard it — you're giving them dignity, connection, and a place where their story can land.

It’s such an underrated skill because not everyone has the ability to just listen.

I trained for this position since I was a kid — seen and not heard, right? That shaped me. I can really listen. Actively listen. That’s the skill.

I ask questions based on what you said. I remember what you said the last time. We deepen the connection through listening.

Father Tobin is my most recent example. When I went to high school here, he was our chaplain. Years later, he became my neighbor — five houses down. Before he moved to Ireland, after he retired, I used to see him every day. When my mom passed in 2020, we essentially went through the pandemic together. I’d drive him to church so he could say mass. He told me I was his chauffeur. We became very close.

He says I helped him, but he helped me through my grieving process. I transitioned out of caregiving but could talk to him — we needed each other.

On all those drives, I would hear all his stories. I used to call him the human library. He’d say something, and I’d say, “Oh, that reminds me of when you went X, Y, Z — you told me what happened there.” That’s active listening.

That’s the connection everyone wants — to feel that someone is listening, because that shows you care.

ANIKA

Oh, I love that so much. There’s a part of your bio that stood out to our team. It talks about how you give families and caregivers practical tools, honest language, and support that honors the weight of what they carry.

Can you leave listeners with a piece of advice as they navigate the caregiver role?

CARON

If I could say one thing, it would be: you matter too. Caregiving almost always falls on one person. Even in a large family, it's usually one child, one sibling, one partner who carries the emotional and physical load.

Society praises that one person as a martyr — but historically, it never works out for the martyr. It’s not sustainable. So don’t be a martyr.

There's also pressure to pretend caregiving is so rewarding. But there’s nothing easy about incontinence care, changing bedsores, feeding your parent, or dealing with aggression. There’s nothing simple about giving your mom hydromorphone while speaking with your doctor.

Yes, there will be meaningful moments, but for most people living in the trenches, that’s not the day-to-day reality. I had help, and it still wasn’t my reality.

Everyone’s experience is going to be different. Everyone’s dementia is different, which means everyone's caregiving experience is different. It’s not a linear story. There’s no one-size-fits-all.

There will be good days — or not even days, maybe just moments. It can shift quickly. So my advice: take one day at a time.

If today was horrible, say it. Be honest. If today broke you, acknowledge it. Don’t feel bad about it.

Anger is appropriate. It's always appropriate when you're grieving someone who’s still alive.

So if no one’s told you, I will: you’re allowed to feel everything you feel, and it’s valid.

ANIKA

Caron’s insights really got us, the idea that “you witness their memories when they can’t hold their own” changes our perspective on caregiving and rings true to the Root & Seed mission. It underscores the importance of being the listener in storytelling sessions, hearing and remembering as much as possible.

All the while, it is a true honor to be the audience to the stories of our elders.

Check out Caron’s What They Forgot to Tell You book series, and do promise us you'll listen and take her advice next time you're feeling burnt out in a caregiving situation.

We turn next episode to a dynamic mother–daughter duo in our youngest parent–child interview yet: mom Kirin and daughter Simran Mann, in their fifties and twenties respectively. We get to hear their differing generational perspectives, what commonalities they appreciate, and what they might learn from one another. As people who represent the delicious and iconic Indian food brand Barrar, we know they have a thing or two to say about food, tradition, and culture.

Root & Seed is hosted by me, Anika Chabra, executive-produced by Jenn Siripong Mandel, and edited by Emily Groleau. Bye for now.

Episode Credits

Hosted by: Anika Chabra

Brought to you by: Root & Seed

Executive Producer: Jennifer Siripong Mandel

Sound Editing by: Emily Groleau

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